Guys, Is Doing Chores Killing Your Sex Life?

Back in 2013, USA today published a study about chores and sex.

The study claimed that men doing what they called “women’s chores,” had a negative impact on their sex lives.

Why is this relevant now? Because I have clients asking me if complying with housework is making them less sexually attractive to their partners!

Obviously, word of this study has gotten around.

So first, what are these “women’s chores” they refer to in the study? Well, they’re things that happen within the house, like vacuuming, cooking, and doing the dishes.

Their study claimed that the men, who regularly engaged in these oh-so-feminine activities, got less sex, while the guys that took up manly chores, like mowing the lawn and cleaning the garage, got more.

Now, before you guys start abandoning housework “made for women” to save your sex lives, consider this….

I think the “research” misses one critical point: I don’t believe it’s the chores themselves that turn a woman off or that turns down her desire. I think it’s why the man is doing them and who he’s being when he does them – that’s the problem.

Case in point: I happen to think watching a man cook or do the dishes is super-sexy! I know I’m not alone here. But that’s only when the man doing those chores is doing them for the right reasons.

A couple of right reasons are: a. He considers it part of sharing a household and does them, organically, without expectation; or b. He does them because he actually enjoys doing them — such as cooking a great meal.

On the other hand, if I have to watch my partner vacuum or dust and he clearly resents the work, or me for requesting it of him, I’m going to be as turned off as he is. It might even negatively affect my desire — not because he’s engaged in “women’s work,” but because of his unpleasant attitude toward maintaining a household.

image

Triple that turn off if he expects his “sacrifice” to have a sexual payoff!

Look, maybe (as a guy), you’re like me in that you don’t want to do the get-down-and-dirty housework, and that’s why you bring resistance and your bad attitude. I hear you! Look, I’m willing to do dishes and some light dusting, but I have no interest getting on my knees and scrubbing the floors or the bathtub. I hate that stuff!

If you feel this same way, hire someone to do the housework. Doing things you dislike, out of a sense of duty, doesn’t contribute to the sexiness in your bedroom. All it does is create unnecessary tension and resentment.

Granted, your woman might get pissed that you don’t want to contribute to cleaning house, but being a man who can say “no,” to what you do not want to do, and look for creative solutions, is far more attractive than being a “yes man” who lacks conviction or commitment.

So does housework kill your sexiness, guys? Only if you do it with a bad attitude and the expectation of an undeserved payoff IMHO.

Thoughts ladies? Men?

Write me by responding to this email and I will respond to you.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with this.

With love,

Karen