The Problem with “I’m not in the Mood”
It seems innocent enough… She’s not in the mood. She’s tired. She has a headache. So, you back off. But what do you do when this continues—when mood becomes the thing that destroys your sexual connection? When it becomes her barometer for “should I? or shouldn’t I?” I’ve worked with hundreds of men grappling with […]
You’re not Fighting about what you Think you’re Fighting About
I notice in my coaching a pattern of men and women missing each other emotionally and this leading to ongoing fights. And this is how it sounds… Woman: Did you pick up the cheese? (Tone doubting.) Man: Yes I picked up the cheese. (Resents her doubt.) Woman: You don’t have to get pissed. I just […]
Your Wife Wants to be Seduced
But She’s Not Going to Tell You. Your wife wants to be seduced. Even if she’s been married to you for twenty years. She probably isn’t going to tell you that. In fact, she may not even realize it herself. But know that she still longs to feel anticipation. The tension that slowly builds. The […]
What is Femininity and the Loss Men feel in its Absence
If you ask men what femininity feels like, many will describe a warmth and openness, a gentleness, like water flowing over a rock. She’s able to soften with a man she trusts, instead of resisting him, battling him. Femininity has been associated with qualities like receptivity, sensuality, grace, intuition and forgiveness. But femininity is more […]
Appeasing Her Nervous System Makes it Worse
Most men think calming her down will fix the moment. It often makes things worse. Appeasing seems like a good idea — whatever you can to calm your woman down. You… Agree with her. Take on whatever she’s got. Become her fix-it man. But in actuality, this does not calm her down — not in […]
What Women sense in Men they Trust
There is something about a trustworthy man that is difficult to explain. Women feel it before they can describe it. He isn’t trying to be understood. He’s just steadily there — often seeking to understand his woman and the people around him. It’s not that men who want to be known and understood are doing […]
What Is Emotional Safety for Men?
There is so much talk about making women safe… But rarely a whisper about emotional safety for men. Men need it, more than they know. Yet few feel a right to name it, much less map it. So let me name it — and offer you a framework. What makes a woman safe for a man […]
Why Men Don’t Ask (and Why It Costs Them Intimacy)
One of the biggest reasons men stay confused about women is simple: they don’t ask questions. Example: Lucy tells Richard, “I never liked to be touched.” He hears: I can’t touch her. She’s drawn a line. But he never asks why. He just accepts it as an immovable boundary. Later she says, “I was never that into sex.” He hears: There’s […]
The Truth About Sexless Marriages
Want to know the truth about sexless marriages—from someone who’s spent 24 years coaching the men who live them? They’re predictable. When I first started coaching, I thought there was some kind of mystery behind why two people—once so attracted—lost desire for each other. Why their bed turned cold. But there’s no mystery. There’s a […]
