My client, Nate, recently told me that he wished his wife would make the effort to look sexy for him, as she used to when they first met.
Why is this important to you? I asked him.
Because it tells me that she thinks about what makes me happy.
I’d heard similar comments many times before, from clients.
A man feels cared for, even loved, when a woman tends to what excites him, sexually. And in some cases, that’s her dressing sexy for him.
But asking a woman to wear lingerie, or suggestive clothing, often doesn’t work out well — for the man asking!
Why is that?
It often doesn’t work out well because your partner tells herself that you don’t think she’s enough without it.
Or, she feels objectified by the request — if she views “sexy” as not her.
It can also happen that she’s not feeling good about herself, when you ask…
I can remember the first time a boyfriend bought me lingerie. I ended up crying, and we had a fight. The lingerie was gorgeous, but I wasn’t feeling so gorgeous, in the moment, and so I felt myself as not enough for him.
Looking back, I can see that he was just trying to celebrate how attractive he found me to be, by choosing something beautiful for me to wear.
Women can be complicated, as I’m sure you know.
Over the years, I’ve had many clients ask me: how do I get my partner to dress sexy, wear makeup, or nice lingerie — when she seems not to want that or care about that?
So, let’s look a couple of things you can do:
First, DON’T SAY THIS: Hey, it would be nice if you dressed sexy or wore some lingerie.
This can suggest that she doesn’t make the effort to look good, and appears frumpy or something similar.
The last thing you want to do is make her feel bad about herself.
Instead, say something like: I’d love it if you dressed sexy for me tonight — you know how much that turns me on. What about that hot, little red number you wore last New Year’s Eve?
This suggests that you love how she looks in a particular thing, and that the request is for and about you — not about her lacking some kind of sex appeal.
Now… on the topic of buying lingerie…
This wants to be well-thought out. Do your best to get her size right, and the color and style she likes. I know this isn’t easy, but make an effort to do so. What does she tend to feel good in? What parts of her does she like to highlight?
Then when you give it, tell her: This is NOT for you, it’s for me! I bought this (teddy) because I get so turned on seeing you in things like this. Would you please do me the honor of trying it on?
If you claim to have bought it for her, she might think: I don’t need something like that— or accuse you of having bought it for yourself!
Therefore, confess it is for you, because it is!