One of the biggest reasons men stay confused about women is simple: they don’t ask questions.
Example: Lucy tells Richard, “I never liked to be touched.”
He hears: I can’t touch her.
She’s drawn a line.
But he never asks why.
He just accepts it as an immovable boundary.
Later she says, “I was never that into sex.”
He hears: There’s nothing I can do about it.
She’s not into sex.
Again—no questions, no curiosity.
I work with men who have lived this way for years.
They build entire relationships on untested assumptions—
things their partners once said that were never explored.
But just because a woman says something
doesn’t mean it’s the full truth.
Not because she’s dishonest,
but because women often speak in protective truths—
half-truths meant to shield themselves, or you.
When Richard finally asks Lucy what she means, something new surfaces.
She does like touch—her massage therapist, her friends, even hugging others.
It’s only sexual touch that shuts her down,
because that’s where an old wound lives.
That’s the power of asking.
Men need to delve.
To hold a high bar for truth.
So why don’t they?
Because asking is vulnerable.
It means admitting you don’t know.
It means you might hear something hard.
It means you have to stay open when it would be easier to withdraw.
But the man who’s willing to ask—
who can sit in that discomfort without collapsing—
is the man who opens women!
With love,
Karen
