A follower recently asked me: Is porn really cheating?
His wife says yes—and she’s threatening to leave him if he doesn’t quit and go to therapy.
So let’s talk about it.
Is porn cheating?
It depends.
Personally, I’d be hurt if my partner used porn to avoid dealing with our sex life.
But if our intimacy was alive and strong, and he occasionally watched porn, it likely wouldn’t feel threatening.
What matters most to me is:
Is it taking something away from us?
If you use porn, ask yourself:
- Does it help you avoid facing relationship or intimacy issues?
- Does it rob you—or your partner—of connection, honesty, or real intimacy?
- Is the convenience of porn stopping you from making an effort?
If you answered yes to any of these, then yes—porn might be a form of cheating. Not because of what it is, but because of what it replaces.
Many of my clients think porn is “no big deal”…
Until we explore the quiet ways it’s shaped their sex life and relationship.
Some stop initiating sex. They stop trying.
Porn is easier. No rejection, no effort.
But with that ease comes a slow drain of confidence and closeness.
How can you be intimate in real life when you mostly watch it on a screen?
Yes, women’s resistance or rejection can be hard to face.
Porn offers instant relief. But is it costing you something deeper?
Is your wife losing out on the best of you—because porn gets more of your sexual energy than she does?
As a woman, I want to feel that my partner desires me—and brings that energy to me. That’s hard to feel if most of his desire is going somewhere else.
Some of my clients have transformed their sex lives by going on a 30–60 day porn fast.
They report renewed attraction, more confidence, and energy to initiate.
Sometimes, it’s not about quitting porn forever—it’s about finding out what’s underneath your habits.
Food for thought.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. I answer my messages personally—just reply here.
With love,
Karen