Do you pick up on your partner’s fear?
What does it sound like when a woman brings you her fear?
Often—not like fear at all.
It can sound like complaining or feel like you’re being nitpicked for silly things.
A woman’s fear rarely shows up in the open, as fear itself. You need to train yourself to hear it and respond in ways that increase her trust.
Miss her fear repeatedly and she won’t feel safe with you—she’ll become her own bodyguard.
For example, one client’s partner kept pressing him about closing the garage door. As far as he knew, there had never been a robbery in their neighborhood. What he didn’t know is that, when his wife was a child, a neighbor’s child was abducted after someone entered through an open garage and was never found. She wasn’t even conscious of why the fear lived in her until they started talking about it.
Another client’s wife would get extremely upset when he paid bills late. He thought it was an overreaction and didn’t take it seriously. At my urging, he asked why late payments affected her so much. It turned out that, as a child, her family’s power was shut off several times, leaving her feeling ashamed and unsafe at home.
One thing I impress upon men: women come to you for protection and reassurance, though they may not admit it. Being insensitive or judgmental in these moments can have long-term, detrimental effects.
Because feeling safe with you is survival-level for her, it’s critical that you hear when your feminine partner is afraid and respond accordingly.
The best way to respond to a woman’s fear is to acknowledge it and offer reassurance that either solves the problem or makes it feel less threatening.
Years ago, a client forgot to pick up his daughter from an after-school program, and his wife nearly lost her mind. Instead of validating her feelings and offering reassurance, he got defensive and rattled off twenty reasons it happened. She eventually asked for a separation; her nervous system unable to tolerate his consistent insensitivity to her need for safety.
None of this is meant to alarm you—only to underscore that your sensitivity to a woman’s safety can make a huge difference in how she feels with you in your life together.
Hope this helps!
Feel free to respond to this email. I answer personally.
With love
Karen