There is so much talk about making women safe…
But rarely a whisper about emotional safety for men.
Men need it, more than they know.
Yet few feel a right to name it, much less map it.
So let me name it — and offer you a framework.
What makes a woman safe for a man —
safe enough to be vulnerable with?
To take off his mask.
To not have to perform for her?
Just as a woman needs a man to be solid,
a man needs a woman to be calm — well, for the most part.
He needs to feel her as soothing, still, present, reassuring.
He wants her to be the most serene place in his life.
But this isn’t always what men get — for a variety of reasons.
Nor do they believe they deserve…
If a man’s life is centered on providing and protecting,
he longs to feel gentleness from his feminine partner —
a contrast to his outer world.
A place where he doesn’t have to be on, or competitive.
And yet, so many women bring a fight, a challenge, a test.
Not because they’re bad,
but because of errors in thinking.
They believe that criticizing a man will get him to behave a certain way — and it rarely does.
Many women haven’t learned the quiet power of restraint, or how to use the gentle placement of words to move a man.
Another quality that makes a woman safe for a man is forgiveness.
As a man, you’re not going to get it right with her all the time.
She’s a woman; you’re a man.
Therefore, you need to trust that there’s grace when you get it wrong.
This doesn’t mean you get to be a mess and always expect a pass —
but that love takes precedence over anyone being right.
Another gift a woman gives a man that makes him feel safe
is her skill for listening.
When a woman listens with her heart and doesn’t react —
when she truly hears what a man says — even when she doesn’t agree,
he can open to her.
In my coaching world, I hear of so many women
who have no space within themselves for a man’s needs or his shares.
There is impatience and judgment — and therefore, little real intimacy.
A man’s heart can only rest where he feels no need to defend it.
That’s emotional safety — and that’s what makes him trust his partner.
*I’d love your comments on this, just respond to this email. I read my mail, personally.
With love,
Karen