You want things to be how they were when you met. I get it.
It was easy back then, and it was hot.
But here’s the thing: she’s not the same woman she was when you met her. And you’re not the same man.
I imagine she’d also like things to be the way they were too back then – when you were mad with passion to get her. When you gazed into her eyes like they were the last thing on Earth you’d ever see.
But that ship has likely sailed too.
Neither of you are the same, exactly, anymore. And the good news is, that is not only ok, it’s a good thing!
As a woman, it’s sad for me to hear men pine for the old passion in their relationships – because wanting things the way they were is living in the past. And that pining doesn’t recognize the evolving woman who’s right in front of you – and how she wants to be made love to.
Yes, sex might have been easier at one time and more spontaneous, but is that where you want your creativity and adventure to end, swimming in those old memories?
If I were you and I were pining for that old passion, I’d be looking at what trust and familiarity make possible, right now, in your lovemaking, and that’s depth.
Can you open your woman’s heart in bed? Is she radiant and joyous after you make love to her?
Can you get beyond your focus on orgasm and performance and become one with her?
Can you transport the two of you away from shame, toward innocent bliss?
These are examples of where your attention might go in your discovery.
Don’t stop loving how it was when you first met; that was a special time. But I suggest you play with what is possible in the deeper veins of making love – here and now.
And when you go deeper, you can’t help but stir the pot of her desire. Then she’ll likely be more interested in those spontaneous moments where you take her unexpectedly.