I notice that men are far more concerned with whether they’re respected, than women.
I don’t remember what teacher in the relationship space said that most women would choose love over respect, and most men would choose respect over love, but I do find that this is true for me, and for the men that I coach.
I rarely hear women complain about a lack of respect from their partners. More what I hear from women is that they want to be better loved.
It’s men who talk about respect as if it’s their lifeblood. This has always fascinated me.
Yesterday, I asked one of my clients who was feeling disrespected by his partner to tell me what respect looked like when it was present in his relationship.
He struggled to come up with concrete examples. “I just can’t think of anything specific. It’s really just something you know,” he said.
“Well what about some examples of when you feel disrespected?
“I guess when she’s harsh with me and uses a lot of sarcasm and cut-downs.”
I found my client’s challenge with defining specific ways his partner showed respect toward him, really interesting, given that like many men, respect is very important to him.
And I sense he is not alone in this. I think defining what it is to be respected, might be challenging for most of us.
So, I’d like to ask you to weigh in on this: What specific ways can you name that convey to you that a woman respects you?
Your feedback will help me with my growing understanding of men, and be much appreciated!
Being flirty (overly attentive) to other men.
Choosing few shared (together times}
Not interested in who he is, what he’s doing.
A different question could be: what makes him/her feel special?
In me ebook, Love, Tantric, Spirituality, an introduction, I detail how women want love, guys want trust. The respect is secondary to trust.
Respect is a symptom of trust, if she does not trust him, sarcasm and harsh words will fly. Usually wrapped up in “you did not take out the garbage”. She sees it as he did not follow thru on his comments, he sees it as forgetting. 2 different views that both will cling to.
I also go into detailing how to stop this.
Less complaining, criticism, sarcasm, contempt or stonewalling. If something I did or didn’t do, or am accused of doing, them mention it in a respectful way.