I notice that guys who avoid conflict have a whole lot of problems in their lives, especially with women. Most can’t figure out why things keeping blowing up around them, and why they’re the brunt of so much anger and disappointment.

Avoiding conflict basically means: that you avoid the things that need your attention — whether that’s your engine light, the hole in your canoe, or your wife’s signals she’s leaving!

The more you avoid, the more things fall apart around you.  

Men often come to me feeling like they got broadsided by their partner’s pronouncements of separation or divorce.  But when we look at their situations, there were loud and clear signals that were ignored, time and again, because they didn’t want to deal with, well, conflict.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make conflict go away, it just makes it inevitable. You might think you’re doing a service to refuse to go head-to-head with your woman, but really, you’re teaching her to not trust you as a man.

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If you won’t come up against her when needed, and stand for what matters to you, how can she trust you to guard and protect what is most precious in your lives, when it counts?

My clients will often say, “I’m direct and face conflict everywhere in my life but with her.”

Why everywhere else in their lives? Because, they don’t want to be abandoned by the woman they love.

The crazy thing is that when you won’t face conflict, you manifest what you most fear: a woman who leaves you, because she ultimately sees you as uncaring and uninvolved.

Conflict is necessary, and unpleasant. It’s the fuel for change, growth and transformation. And wherever possible, we want to do it with an eye toward greater peace, understanding and love.

It can’t be avoided, period.

So, are you engaged, or conflict avoidant?

And what is that costing you?

What will you do about it?

I’d love to hear.

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