Do you Assume more than you Know?

The guys I coach like to inform me as to what their wives will and will not do, and they’re often wrong.

They’re wrong, because much of what they think they “know” is based on assumptions, rather than a real understanding of women.

What’s frustrating is that my clients don’t ask questions! They think they should have the answers to everything female, and so asking is not on the table.

Instead they operate out of their heads, trying to preempt what their partners will do or say, and that is a full-time job.

Coaching these guys can sound like this:

“Tell her you want a night of passionate sex on your anniversary, and express excitement about it,” I say.

“She’ll never go for that,” my client says.

“You hired me to help you shift the dynamic with her, not to do what you’ve always done.  I suggest you try what I suggest, and see what happens. “

“Ok, I’ll try it. But I don’t much faith it will work.”

A week later….

“How was the anniversary,” I ask.

“Great! It was the best sex we’ve had in years! “

“You told her what you wanted?”

“Yes, and I’m shocked she went for it.“

Here´s another great example…

David told me there was no way he could insist on Friday nights for he and his wife, free of the kids.

“She’ll never go for that,” he said.

“Really? How would you know?” I asked.

“I know her,” he says. “She’d never leave the kids alone.”

But when I pressed for proof of this, he had none.

“Tell her,” I told him. “And tell her why it matters to you.”

A week later, this is what he said….

“How did it go concerning Friday nights?”

“She loved the idea! She’s going to ask her mother to babysit.”

“Amazing what happens when you don’t act on assumptions, right?”

I tell you these stories because I hope that men will get up and ask! It’d be nice to know everything about your partner, but it’s not a great bet.

What works best is to check in on ALL your assumptions.

You can say to her, “Hey I might be assuming something about you, mind if I check in on it?”

She will love this, because it means you care!

I know it isn’t easy for men to ask, because it goes against deeply-ingrained beliefs about what it means to be a man, but trust me, when you push through those, it makes your life so much easier!

Ask your woman about something you don’t know about her, or something you are assuming you know. And then listen. You might be surprised.

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