Love can be painful when it’s not given.
So why would anyone withhold love – and cause themselves unnecessary pain?
I see this happening every day in my coaching practice – men who stop being supportive, protective and caring, because they don’t feel loved by their partners – whether true or not.
When we think of love in a conditional way, “If you give me what makes me feel loved, I will give you what makes you feel loved,” love is bound to stop flowing – because we’re measuring.
And when we measure, fear seeps in. We tell ourselves we don’t want to be taken advantage of. “You don’t love me; I don’t love you.”
Then what do you have? You have love stuck inside of you, causing you all kinds of pain. And then bitterness takes root.
I empathize with how it feels to feel unloved – or that the love you give is not reciprocated.
But we really have to look at what our “love” is all about if that’s the case. Is it seeking something in return? Is it demanding reciprocity? Is it essentially, full of conditions?
If we’re in the practice of loving, we know that we have to let love flow, regardless of how it flows back. To intentionally stop the flow, out of spite, only harms the one stopping it. It’s like blocking the blood flow to your own heart.
Love is meant to flow and to be given freely, regardless of what flows back.
Are you with someone who cannot let love flow, who keeps score? Maybe. But you might want to spend some time in that flow yourself, giving unconditionally, and see what loving unconditionally brings to your life.
Then you can see if being where you are is where you want to be – and if the river of love can flow both ways, between you.
An affirmation to work with on this might be: “I let love flow from me and into me without fear.”
P.S. Feel free to comment with any questions.