I had a client tell me recently that he was uncomfortable being romantic with his partner – because it felt to him like sucking up.
He was afraid that if he invited her on a picnic, bought her flowers, or put on sensuous music, she’d think he wanted something from her.
Interesting because he does want something from her! He wants sex with her and he wants affection, but he doesn’t want to appear to want either of those.
This is pretty messed up, and yet, it’s how so many men operate as lovers.
Romance is essential to seducing a woman, not because women are suckers for saccharine gestures, but because women like to be celebrated (as women) by men.
When you take a woman out for Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, you’re celebrating the feminine in her; she’s celebrating the feminine in her. If there is little of this in her life, these holidays will be even more important to her.
Romance is a way of acknowledging the pleasure you take in your woman being a feminine being. I wish there were more ways for us women to demonstrate this same appreciation for men — outside of sex. National Man Day, perhaps?
So, how do you romance a woman and not be a suck up? First, think of romance as a celebration – of her and your connection, rather than some cheap ticket to somewhere.
Then, know that what your partner or any woman considers “romantic,” will depend on the woman. It might be a morning bike ride and coffee with you. For another woman, a spa weekend. It might be washing her hair, or cooking a meal together.
You can always ask: what do you consider romantic? If you planned a romantic day or night for us, what would we be doing or experiencing?
Let me know what you discover. I always love your input.