Spontaneity is not what it’s cracked up to be…

Many of you wrote to me in response to my last post, “Sex is not a Given,” and said, scheduling lovemaking is not sexy.  

I’ve heard this so many times, it makes me laugh!

And, it got me thinking…. that you might be misunderstanding where I’m coming from on scheduling sex, so I’d like to clarify.


What is spontaneous sex? And how does it differ from scheduling sex?

Spontaneous sex is generally quick and unexpected.

So, what’s so great about quick, unexpected sex?

I’m going to venture to say that it’s a step outside of a mind-numbing routine.

Meaning, it’s not where and when sex usually happens, so it feels energizing and refreshing.


Now… I think that some guys might be confusing their mundane sexual routine with “scheduling sex.” In other words, they think they are one in the same!

No, they are not the same, not in any way.

Scheduling sex with a purpose is nothing like being roped into a mind-numbing routine.

The routine is a way to get the job done, and it’s often a compromise.

Whereas, scheduling sex with a purpose is a conscious, sacred date — each and every time.

Scheduling sex with a purpose is about intending to create something of meaning. It’s about breaking OUT of the box and expanding pleasure and connection.

Of course, scheduling is not sexy when it’s positioned as an obligation. But it is very sexy, when it’s a growth-conscious choice.

Make sense?

So, spontaneous sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, if it’s just a break away from a mind-numbing, uninspired routine.

But layer it on top of a deep, sexual connection, and you’ve got something!

I’d love to hear your input on this.

Does this shift anything for you?

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