Lydia kept telling Bill, “You don’t see me,” and he found it infuriating.
It was why she was thinking they should separate for a time.
“Do you see her? I asked.
“I think I do,” he said.
“Let’s test that,” I said.
“What does she hope you’ll see in her that you aren’t seeing?” I asked Bill.
“That she’s trying? That she’s a good mother?”
“Can you think of anything else?“
“Not really,” he said, frustrated.
Men tend to think that a woman’s desire “to be seen,” is like their desire to be acknowledged for their efforts. But, it’s not the same.
“When someone sees your essence, Bill, they see you beyond your behavior or reactions.”
She wants you to remember who she truly is. This is what she means by “you don’t see me.”
“I do see her,” he said, unenthusiastically.
But we knew that wasn’t true. Bill had gotten into a habit of seeing his wife, her complaints and needs, as unsolvable and hopeless.
Men don’t like problems they can’t solve and so they withdraw and give up.
Instead of seeing her, he was reacting to her.
I’ve worked with innumerable men in this bind.
So, how do you get out of it?
Look for her Loving Essence.
See the HER she is, beyond her fear and disappointment, even if she’s forgotten.
When we see the best in our partners, even when they’re showing us their worst, they tend to remember who they really are — and come back to love.
Hope this helps,
