There is a lot to why a woman might become resistant to your touch.
But for the sake of this post, let’s assume that she fears it will lead to sex, and has learned to shut you down.
Yes, you want sex, and touching is a pathway to get there. But there are also times, that you simply want to wrap your arms around her and feel her body next to yours.
So how do you break this dynamic of being rebuffed and the pain it causes?
Let’s look at one powerful thing you can do to shift this.
In the moment that she shutters at your touch, or throws it off, pause and apologize to her.. You might say something like: “it seems that, that didn’t feel good to you.”
Then, wait for her response.
She might say, “Sorry, I’m busy.” “Or, I know you want sex and I’m not in the mood.”
Then let her know that, actually, in this moment all you want is to feel her and to feel close to her — and that you understand that for her, it can all feel like something more that she’s not desiring.
Ask her if the two of you could designate a place in the house where you can touch each other affectionately, with the guarantee that it won’t lead to sex. Perhaps the kitchen?
If she likes this idea, and agrees to a particular place, hold her in that place, right away. Demonstrate that you can uphold your agreement.
Then, you might also designate certain moments together as affection-only moments, where you can really get into holding each other, with her feeling secure in knowing that you will not push for more. You can encourage her to request these moments, should she want affection but not sex.
Now, we don’t want this to take anything away from your lovemaking experiences or to replace them. This is about rebuilding the kind of trust and intimacy that will enhance her desire to make love to you.
Let her know that SHE is the only one who can change these designations, once agreed upon.
In an ideal world, you’d also have a lovemaking-designated area, too, that is ONLY for lovemaking. There’d be no screen in that space, no fighting, no work happening in that space, only lovemaking. There, there would be no doubt as to the purpose of your touch.