My clients will often resist scheduling lovemaking when that is what the “doctor” orders.
They tell me, “My wife will never go for that. “
Or, “Won’t that create an obligation?”
“Doesn’t scheduling kill the sexiness?”
No, what kills the sexiness is never having sex!
What I find interesting, is that those who are most insistent on not scheduling sex, and most insistent on spontaneity, rarely ever have sex.
Seriously. They live in a sexual desert.
What I’ve come to know is that their unwillingness to schedule sex isn’t so much about standing for spontaneity, as it is about avoiding sex, in whatever way they can.
The truth is: If something is important to you, you make time for it. We schedule what matters to us – because most of us live busy, complex lives. What we don’t schedule, simply doesn’t happen.
I ask my clients: Do you schedule the gym? Your dinners with friends? Your weekends away?
Yes, of course, they do.
Why do they schedule these things? Because being in shape, socializing with people they care about, and time to rest is important to them.
But sex? Not so much.
If you want a great sex life, it has to be schedule-worthy — unless you make love, regularly and with passion.
People who don’t schedule sex tend to squeeze lovemaking in, and, therefore, have mediocre sex. Each of you pinching off an orgasm does not equal true lovemaking.
If you don’t have that more extended time that scheduling permits, quickies can be like fast food for your relationship: good for the moment, harmful in the long run.
I suggest you put at least two hours on your calendar each week for time between the sheets. And that you make that time sacred, and certain to happen.
And when, or if, you get push back from your partner around scheduling this, stand for the importance of lovemaking, as a source for your deepening love. And stop settling for excuses that ensure a dying intimacy.
I’d love to hear your comments.