You may not want to hear this, (if you’re a Nice Guy) but, if your partner doesn’t respect you, you didn’t teach her well.
She, on the other hand, likely trained you to a T — to regard her in the way she chooses to be regarded! 😊
She likely speaks up about what works and what doesn’t work for her.
Nice Guys, on the other hand, can be lazy, timid trainers.
They let their partners walk all over them because they believe that makes them LOOK loving.
They believe that not speaking up, not protesting a woman’s harsh tone, or lack of consideration, leads to more love and abundant sex.
But, in reality, it only leads to more abuse and lack of care.
It’s not that women are bad people. They simply follow the lead, just as you do. If you allow a woman to walk all over you, she will — because we treat people how they teach us to treat them.
So, what can you do if you are not respected, and need to demonstrate a new way forward?
It starts with simple boundaries. Don’t like her tone with you when she wants things done — because it makes you feel like a servant?
Tell her in a gentle, but firm tone that talking to you that way does not feel good. Ask her not to do it anymore.
If she protests, tell her: “It will no longer work. I was ok with it for a long time. I no longer am. If you want my support, talk to me kindly.”
Boundaries can have consequences attached, too, if your partner refuses to, hear you or talk to you differently, following your requests. She may need to know that you really mean it — given that you were ok with the abuse for so long.
In that case, tell her: “I will no longer respond to a condescending tone.” And when she uses that tone, excuse yourself, and go into another room. Eventually, she will get that if she wants your engagement, she will need to be kind to you.
It’s not entirely her fault that she isn’t respectful towards you. The dynamic you’re in represents a lack of self-respect; she’s just acting as a mirror for you. Show her, over time, that your self-respect is real, by being clear about what you want, and what does and doesn’t work for you — without being harsh or demanding.