Most guys overlook the one thing that would make them the very best kind of lovers, and instead, complicate matters with things that don’t help.

You can study all the sex programs out there and their techniques, but if you don’t understand the central focus for how to make love, you’ll still feel clumsy and lost in bed.

Many guys I talk to are accustomed to feeling stressed, sexually, because they’re heads are filled with all kinds of things they think they should be doing.

It’s not that picking up some techniques or strategies is bad, but that you can’t have great sex without the essential ingredient in the mix, just as you can’t bake bread correctly without flour, no matter how fancy your equipment.

That essential ingredient for great sex is PRESENCE.

Now, I can look at any man and know if he’s a good lover, based on how present he can be in the moment, with me.

Are you present? Test this out for yourself.  First, ask your partner, or the women in your life, who are familiar with you, how present they feel you to be. Women are masters of measuring presence in men.

Then, as a second test, look at the women around you. How present are they? I guarantee you that you’ll find those whom are most present, the most sexually intriguing.

Presence is a power. And women are drawn to it like ships to a harbor.

Presence is truly being here now. You are NOT popping out to visit the past or future, as you make love. You’re conscious of the breath that breathes you, and that breathes your partner.

If you can breathe with this kind of awareness, your presence increases, and you become more magnetic to women – in bed and out.

 

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When you don’t breathe with awareness, and you breathe shallowly, your presence can feel scattered, like a chaotic harbor.

Sometimes, the woman you’re partnered with is scattered herself, incapable of real presence and this contributes to your tension.

This is ok. There will always be challenges to your presence. If this were easy, every guy would be an amazing lover. Let her lack of presence, drive you more deeply into yourself. With steady and consistent practice, her energy will come to entrain with yours.

I suggest you practice for the next month, and see what you discover. What happens to your tension and anxiety, when you are one with your breath and hers? What happens to the depth between you?

This is a lifelong practice for becoming the best kind of lover.

Feel free to send comments or questions below. Or contact me directly.

You might find a breath work program in the Calm app or on Daily Om and start working with it, if you feel it would support you. 😊

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