My clients often tell me that they´re confident with everyone but their wives.
They´re in charge of teams of people or viewed as great leaders in their lives.
But at home, they feel ineffective, not powerful and not respected.
Why is this and what can you do about it, if this is you?
In my experience of coaching men, it comes down to this: men doubt their leadership with their partners for two KEY reasons…
One, their partners give them pushback! You want something one way, and she suggests another way — a lot of the time. It can feel like — a competition.
Two, your partner will challenge you to get behind what you say you want, or where you want to take her, with direct questions that tease apart your logic and reasoning.
This likely doesn´t happen at work or in your business— if you´re the leader. At work, when you say go, people go. If they question your direction or motivation, it´s for the sake of clarification, not to upend your ideas and plans.
Men back down with women and lose their confidence, because they don´t know how or when to stand up to them, and because they simply get tired of the relentless challenge.
A woman questions your leadership, not to be difficult, but because it´s how she tests whether it´s safe to go where you want her to go. She can´t just do this once and call it good. She does it whenever the leadership feels less than certain, or not considerate of her wants and needs.
Just because a bridge is safe to walk over today, doesn´t mean it will be safe tomorrow!
What you can do about this is be better at hearing her questions and challenges a safety check, or a ¨can I trust this leadership ?¨check.
Have you considered her needs? Have you spoken to those needs in your invitation?
If you don´t let her ruffle you, and can be confident, reassuring and considerate in your direction, she´ll be less likely to challenge you and more likely to welcome you taking her where you´d like to go.